Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
