matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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