what day is it and did you see me today?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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