Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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