My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
