guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
