Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
