she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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