I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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