called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
