Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
