i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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