i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
