Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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