I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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