so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
