Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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