I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
