I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
