I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
