it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
