Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
