Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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