My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
