I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
