i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
false alarm. still invincible.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
