THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
