You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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