I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
