Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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