Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
