1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
its not stalking. its research.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
