In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
