ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My liver just broke up with me...
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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