She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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