i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He passed out mid-signature
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
