Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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