He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
