I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
