tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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