her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
