we have pet lesbian snakes
i just google imaged poop.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
