That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
