I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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