I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
