Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Randomize
