Ambien. No doubt about it.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
