and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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