then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
