Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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