Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
3pm strippers are depressing
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
