I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
