She's JV to your varsity
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
