btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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