did you get engaged???
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
