She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
