I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I love you. Go after that dick
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
