dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
