Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
