I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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