so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
