so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
